I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
