Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
