i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
