My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
