You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
