there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We smell like vodka and hangover
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