I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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