i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
