Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
3pm strippers are depressing
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
