I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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