I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
