I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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