How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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