I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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