I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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