hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
