you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's never too late to be topless.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
