all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize