$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
