sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
