Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
