Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
