he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
