My first STD was from a foam party
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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