I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
