just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
