Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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