matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The beer is more important than you right now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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