I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
