In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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