she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
tell me about the fingering
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
