she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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