i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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