after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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