You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sober January is a disaster.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
