a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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