I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
