mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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