Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
