i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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