Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
