Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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