she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
