he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
