I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
