Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
