I just saw a hot homeless man
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
