I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
