Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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