my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
