I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
