OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
