my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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