I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
