pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
