I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
