I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think I am morally bankrupt
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
