drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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