well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
soo... how was my night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
