Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
