Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
