well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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