well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
