What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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