definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
