mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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