My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
