I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
