How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
