You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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