i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
