dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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