Got a toothbrush?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
