So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
