I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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