I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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