I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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