well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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