Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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