dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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