I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
