Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
