it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
