you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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