I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
