ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
