I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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