A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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