FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize