You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
