Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
