Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
