He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
