Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Your dad touched me again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
