i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
