he was CRYING into my vagina
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
