Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize