Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
