I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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