At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
