and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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