I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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