It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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