please come you make the beer taste better
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
