At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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