you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
