At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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