She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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