I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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