Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
