What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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