And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
