Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
50% drunk capacity currently
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
